it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
did i just pee glitter
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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