I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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