Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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