i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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