Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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