i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
