im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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