oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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