there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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