the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
