I smell stomach acid.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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