also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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