I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
