just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
