btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
