Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
where does the pee come out of this thing
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
