is your mom at the bar?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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