i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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