i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
