sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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