I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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