i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
