don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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