Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
