So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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