my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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