I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
