a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
