is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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