I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize