Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did we literally take a cab across the street
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
