The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
