you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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