On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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