i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
