What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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