gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
