You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize