just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
NoShamevember. You game?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
