Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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