I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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