The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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