he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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