New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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