i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
