My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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