At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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