her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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