i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
