I just cut my nipple shaving
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
