im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
