Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
