My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
They are going to name an STD after you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize