We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
