I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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