Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize