why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
