moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
