STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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