i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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