idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
