the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
