it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
