The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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