I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
