3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
