That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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