the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
