I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
