is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
