True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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