I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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