I want to make a zoo with you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
