a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
