i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize