i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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