he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
