I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
