You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
