in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
