There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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