I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
