I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
