found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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