I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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