You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
