Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
