What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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