new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
