Got a toothbrush?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
