After last night, I could never be a politician.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
