I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
