Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
